Conversation with Myself – About Christmas 2020 …

let it snow

As I always do on Sunday mornings, I watered my plants when suddenly, I smelled my Mother’s familiar scent. A Mom has that scent – one that we can perceive even in the darkest of rooms. When we’re young, we snuggle up to it as we receive hugs. When we need that familiar touch when life gets tough, it’s there, waiting to greet us. And most recently (well, almost 10 months ago), it was that scent that greeted me when I visited her at the Au Château. It started out as a faint scent, and as I spoke to her in my mind, it intensified: I knew she was with me. It was one of the first times that she has manifested herself to me. Perhaps it’s because she and I were never the best of friends on Earth. As she was transitioning, I had asked her about many moments. Although she didn’t directly answer me because of her disease, I received signs and messages from her that let me know that she had understood. She and I forgave each other for a lot of shit ( yes – I wrote the word shit because that’s precisely what it was ), and she chose to leave Earth on February 29th. I like to think that she and I have mended fences and that we can begin a new relationship as she evolves in Spirit World.

All this to say, this will be my first Christmas without my parents’ physical presence. I guess I am now a ‘Christmas Orphan.’ I’m not sure yet how I feel about this, but I can tell you that many moments leading to it have been bittersweet. One feels the relief that there is no suffering left but falls into the pit of darkness when there is a realization that it’s final. Although I am a clairvoyant empath, I often am a ‘simple’ human being, a little girl missing the presence of two people who have brought me so much in my own life. Because of their hard work and company, I was able to become who I am today. I do hope they’re smiling as they witness the happenings in our lives. We’re doing the best that we can – and I think it’s working. It’s not always easy – but we’re navigating this life just as everyone else is trying to do.

fresh leaves in the midst of Winter

My Mom had gorgeous plants. Her house and condo were filled with various kinds. She was always proud to show them off to my Dad. Early in life, she taught me how to clean and prune them. She always spoke to them and even named them. You can sort of see where my obsession with greenery began. A few years ago, I discovered that I love taking care of plants and offered a few individuals the chance to ‘bring ‘ their plants ‘back to life.’ It became a hobby, one I am so thrilled to have cultivated. This morning after cleaning up all this snow, it hit me that, in the very dead of Winter, Life was growing in my house. Many plants have new buds or are flowering. Fresh leaves are sprouting, and my vines are hugging the room with their own magic. A few years ago, my father had gifted me one last plant, and this morning, I noticed it’s getting longer. It’s strong and healthy, wrapped in the light, love, and warmth of the River House Cabin. I think that while wintering, one can observe how there is still beauty and growth. It just means that you have to perhaps shift your focus to other areas of your life. Rest when you must. Read. Write. Sleep. It’s okay as long as you are grateful for the simple things that permit you to Hold your own Space.

This morning, I did just that. I noticed the silence. I absorbed the stillness and I smiled as I spent time with my Mom.

She lingered for a good 20 minutes. I think that at some point, I even heard her voice and sensed her touch. It’s a magical place, this River House of mine. This morning, after the most giant storm, there was light and warmth. There were hope and my Mom’s familiar scent.

I can’t wait for her next visit . xo

Have a good day !

One thought on “Conversation with Myself – About Christmas 2020 …

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