Conversation with myself #4 :
After spending time in a few online meetings at night this week, it has become extremely clear that I am slowly changing and hopefully growing as a human being. I’ve been dealing with a lot of tough stuff lately, and truth be told, a lot of questions are emerging from particular situations. How does one draw boundaries for herself first before she helps others ? Why do ‘results’ always matter in an educational system where we are supposed to be ‘helping students grow emotionally’ into being well-rounded, happy individuals ? Why am I feeling like I am being lifted onto other journeys, yet am being held back by my own self and by my circles ?
This COVID situation feels like it has spun all our lives off our targets. At times, if feels we’re losing control over what once was simple, and taken for granted. I just want to walk in a building with no mask. I want to hug people. I want to travel – somewhere – on a plane – and not have to worry about dying getting there, or coming home.
At times, it feels that as human beings, we’re losing our focus. ( at least, that’s how I feel ) . In a world let by constant expected productivity and ‘noise’ , as one of my course friends said on Tuesday, we are become cynics. Negativity is often creeping into our circles and truth be told, it has become draining. There is always this ‘but’ … which follows many of our conversations : yes, it’s sunny but …. or yes – he’s doing well in class today, but …. Arghhh . Frustration at its best.
How does one then, move forward with these realities and what one question can I ask myself … ? I’ll give you a hint : What IF ? What if I examine a situation with a different angle. What IF I decide to take better care of my physical self. What IF I decide to let others guide ME for a change … Positive what if’s … Breathing – letting go of immediate outcomes and actual enjoyment of Life in the moment . What IF THAT works ?
It’s Thursday, and truth be told, I am exhausted. I think that today will be a ‘self-care’ day amongst my work family. We’ll take it easier on ourselves, and allow ourselves to be. We’ll breathe. Go outside. Walk together and just BE together. I’m tired of expectations imposed by rules and obligations. What IF today, I chose to simply BE – To simply honour MYSELF and OTHERS for what we are – for what we love – and for what we strive to be ?
What IF ? … Could I handle that ?