I spent the night floating around in ideas. Truth of the matter is, I am currently embarked on another profound journey which explores minimal space ( distance between events that have passed and the space in between them – on the road to the next step ) It’s come to my attention, once again, that I haven’t been paying ‘attention’ to myself as much as I have been to others. I’ve managed to get myself caught between that rock and that hard place, and I can’t seem to pry myself away from either one of those areas. I know, you’ll say that it’s typical for me to be like this at this time of year – and you would be absolutely correct. From nutrition to physical movement : none of them present lately as I find myself bobbing up for air, time or energy to allow myself the simple grace of time. So how do I show up for myself? Every day ? How do I honour what my needs are ? How do I satisfy this curiosity and that thirst for different action which is growing within my every cell ?
I decided to start writing again. It permits me to explore what is rooted in my thought patterns. It allows me to share with you some of the questions I am currently pondering, so that, in turn, you may do the same. I’ve granted myself permission to explore and honour sides of me that I had previously hidden or neglected from myself, and from the World. I have found a pen name. I have contacted a publishing house. I am almost ready to share a side of me which has been dormant for ages.
We are spiritual beings. In that form, we are blessed to be able honour all the great impossible messiness of also being human, if we allow ourselves to do so. I’m not sure what this is going to transpire from this latest ‘quest’. How will I show up for myself and how will I share those important reflexions with others ?
I’ll start gently and simply. I’ll have a cup of water. I’ll breathe. I’ll give myself permission to laugh at a joke – and allow myself to let go of my attachment to a few outcomes. It’s not important to hold on to everything and everyone. Sometimes, it’s okay to observe, feel and move on. It’s okay to realize that it’s not all about me, or about others : it may be okay to simply be about ‘nothing’. Over-analyzing and ‘looping’ zaps the energy out of ourselves and chokes our inner flame. Not everything requires me to act . Not everyone deserves my time. It’s difficult – but necessary, to come to that realization but once you do, it’s also incredibly freeing.
As I hold this conversation with myself, I’m terrified and excited. I’m exhausted , but also energized. It’s time. Time for me to breathe. Time for me to exhale and to let go. It’s time for me to share with you more of what my journey entails, as I perhaps your own journey towards ‘freedom’.
I am healing the Chrysalis .
Have a great Wednesday .