To Everything … turn turn turn …
I was standing outside a while ago, taking pictures of the beautiful colours which are starting to surround me. I slept well last night … and awoke to a misty river. I always get nostalgic at this time of year, because although Summer is almost here, I know that soon, everything eventually falls asleep … and will only awaken later this Spring. It’s the cycle of Nature , and although beautiful, I find it sad at moments as it somewhat ressembles an analogy of Life.In the past few months, I’ve lost friends and family. Some passed away of old age, others while battling fights with gigantic health monsters who turned out to be stronger than they could handle. I watched as that happened, and I cried silently for them. My younger friends had all those dreams to travel, visit places, write things and paint murals. They always waited until later: when I retire, they used to say. Then this happened – and the chances they once dreamt about had passed them by, like a gentle breeze on a cold Fall morning … In the wind, I sometimes catch glimmers of their dreams reflecting upon the water – and I think to myself how important it is to live your dreams, fully, every day, if only for a small moment. My mom was one of these persons who always worked hard at what she did. She gave her all during more than 40 years in the education field – and though she was not perfect, she was honest, helped a lot of individuals and marked my own work ethic. She was, sadly, one of these persons who never had moments for herself – always burying herself in a report or planning for a next business meeting. She never took the time to smell the flowers of her garden, to write a letter to someone she loved or to just sit in the sun and just be. She always had to work , work and work more – and always said that she would visit the world and write a book, when she retired. Sadly, that did not happen. As Life would have it, my mom was hit with dementia at a very young age and now, she is in her own prison. Trapped within the confines of her faltering mind – only to remember the few memories she has left. I find it sad that we didn’t get to make mother-daughter memories to cherish. We never took trips really, and never had much in common. I was ( and still am very much ) a dreamer, a creator, a star seed if you will. She was the strong pragmatic one who insisted on perfection. Fall came too soon in her life …. and in the dead of Winter, she too found her wings.
So this morning, as I sit and write this short piece, I have a choice to make. Fall within the confines of what society expects of me, or choose to be ME, and to live by my choices and dreams. I choose the latter, of course. And how do I go about doing that? Simple enough. I get up earlier. 5 am to be precise. Me time to exercise and make by body more fluid for the day. I go to work,
striving to make a difference in one life that day. Sometimes, I luck out – and help more as they help me. On other days, although I know that I tried my best, I come home with a broken heart and spirit and hope that tomorrow is better for all of us. As much as I can, I now separate my work from my home life. If I have paper work to do, I do NOT do it in my Paris room – where my zen energies exist. I do it elsewhere where I can think work – and let it go.We have family traditions. We watch tv while we eat supper. We discuss our days. We laugh. And argue. And fight . And let it go. I love this time of day – it’s family pit time – and I miss when it doesn’t happen. I hope that this is a tradition which we’ll be able to keep alive because it makes me smile and makes me whole. Our family life is far from perfect – but it’s the perfection that I crave: it’s the Home that we, as a family, have created – and I love it. Throughout the day, I keep in contact with friends and family. The world of technology is wonderful for that – and truth be told, I’m glad it’s that advanced. Thanks to my phone, I can send messages to my family , my friends – and just let them know that I care. I’ve seen what happens – how sometimes you wake up in the morning only to find your whole existence shattered a few hours later …. and I’ve vowed that I would never wait to let people who matter to me , know that they do … Winter comes too fast in our lives … you need to pluck the flower of today…. I’ve had to sever ties. Rebuild others. It’s not easy – but it’s what it is. And finally, in all this, there is me. My personal heart and soul. My essence, if you will. I often take breaks to go and visit my ‘happy’ place if you will. In the past few years, I’ve let go of constraints
and am studying what fascinates me. I travel more. I explore. I visit more people, yet I crave my solitude and indulge in it. It’s my Life. I get one shot. And I want to make sure that I can squeeze as much in it as I possibly can. Is it perfect? Nope. Easy? Nope. Worthwhile? Damn right it is….. Would I change a single thing? Yep – I would have adopted this way of living sooner in my life, to get to enjoy more of what it has to offer….
Final words : Live. Laugh. Love. Get up. Dress up and show up for your life – WHILE you’re able to do so. Read that racy book. Smell those flowers. Try that food and hug that person in front of you. Life is about Seasons. Enjoy everyone of them – and don’t put off what you can do today to make you smile or give yourself that sense of worth and identity. You’re worth it. I’m worth it. I get one shot at it – and I’m giving it my all.
Happy June. Celebrate PRIDE month in our community and enjoy every moment of your life !